©Black Apologetics Ministry 2001-2003
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All my life I had a hunger to know God. I think the major dilemma with me was, identifying with him on a personal level. I was never one to be coy with talks of the divine. Mainly because I believed I had all the correct answers, without having the lest bit off bible knowledge. I remember for Halloween, dressing up as a minister going door to door with my bible in hand. Their were times in grade school when people referred to me as reverend.
I say all this to show that there was an unhealthy comfort that was beginning to culminate in my spiritual life. This cogitation became consistent for me. Although my life in that current state was sending me to a eternity without God, I began to experiment more with earthly pleasures. The potency of social drugs and night life showed it's preeminence in my daily activities. After having no grip of my spiritual life I was now losing grip of my moral person. I began to behave in ways that were not like the “The Mee “(childhood nickname) that my parents raised. My grades were uncharacteristic of my mental capabilities. Hopes of playing college football were moribund. The last option for life after high school was to pray my way into college with poor grades.
He gave me what I asked for! God set me up! Tuskegee University was the only school I applied to. I went their to escape the accountability of family. Especially my older brother Dhati, who had came to know and serve the LORD once he left California. At Tuskegee I became strongly involved in a relationship that was not in the least bit Godly. The constant demands of her, school and remaining the cool cat from Cali, began to weigh too heavy on me. I began to drown in disappointment and wanted rescuing but I did not know how to go about it.
So one day during my sophomore year I meet a guy name Byron Johnson who was the Directional leader of a ministry called Campus Outreach. He gave an invite to the students at a bible study to go to an event called Impact. I had recollections of my brother speaking of this conference with high regard. I approached this man instantly after the meeting and emphasized my desire to go. There was only one problem. I did not have 200 dollars to cover the fees. With no idea who I was this man gave me a two hundred dollar scholarship to take care of all the fees to attend the conference.
At the conference I hooked up with my brother and his click of friends, “gotta move baby”. I saw men and woman worshiping together, brothers loving brothers, sisters loving sisters, and everybody loving the LORD. I saw a group of young adults handing God all their cares and burdens. I realized that moment I never had a personal relationship with Jehovah. I faked my way through life. The rescue that saves men from drowning themselves, was revealed to me. And that was the true sincere surrendering of my life over to the LORD. No more saying I understand Jesus Died for my sins and not being accountable for it. I wanted a life change. I wanted to be like those cats at the conference who did not have to fake for respect. I wanted to be like my brother and his friends, who were excited about the love and service of God.
But I knew that some things would be hard. How will I handle the girl that I live with? How will I handle the boys that I hit the block with? Do I really want to have to explain to people why “I don't do that anymore”? All I knew is I wanted to represent him in all I did. So I decided that week that I would trust and surrender my life unto him.
I went back to school and broke up with the girl I was living with. Then I moved back into the dorm with some guys from the ministry on campus. My desire since has been to know him and make him known. I will say that God has not promised me a perfect painless existence, but he has promised me a perfect and painless eternity. For a sinner like me, it is an eternity more than I deserve. We all earned death, but Christ offers us life from here unto the next.
SHO